About to discover the precise line between “Scrum” and “Riot”

So, we are now to work as one great big happy team of devs (and one unhappy release note writer, because all release note writing is a fight to the death against developers and their allergy to¬†writing anything down). It’s going to be wonderful! And integrated! We’re going to document all the things! And we’ll all know what the hell is happening!

I am cool with this, except for the bit where we work in Agile, and Agile has scrums and scrums are meant to be super-quick stand-up meetings where everyone in the team summarizes their accomplishments of yesterday and hopes for the accomplishments of today and Tech Lead Two makes grumpy interjections about people writing dirty hacks and I type frantically while shouting at people to speak up and stop using acronyms because we can’t have a scrum report composed entirely of “mublemumbleACRONYMmumble???!!!”.

And this is a perfectly sound idea, and it works very well, apart from the bit where it’s designed to work with ten people, maximum, and we will now have forty. Yesterday I stared at P in horror and pointed out that my hands would fall off trying to keep up with that. He gave me the terrifying rictus grin of the man who has to figure out how to break this down into something that works, but needs another fortnight that he doesn’t have to actually do it in.

Did you see USA vs South Africa last night? I am the USA. I am about to be crushed by Springboks.